Ok so I have RSD, now what?

First off, you're not alone, estimated 80% of ADHDers have RSD and though it's a very tough thing to live with, it is manageable. Of course I'm happy to help with coaching, but here are a few options to get you started for free.

Disclaimer 

This article focuses on positive, forward-facing behavioural changes tailored to your unique experiences, but there are also different types of medication available to help with RSD specifically as well as ADHD symptoms and RSD symptoms. Talk about it with your GP,  psychiatrist or titration nurse. Choosing the right approach either medication alone, medication and coaching or just coaching is personal and should involve a discussion with your healthcare provider. 

Recognising Your RSD creature

When faced with rejection, it’s all too easy for negative thoughts to start spiraling into self-blame, shame and deep feelings of emotional and sometimes even physical pain. To help counter this instinct, try practicing the technique of "catching the narrative." This involves gently taking a step back to notice your thoughts and emotions without judgment. It can be helpful to name these narratives—perhaps calling them the “Rejection creature” or the “Negative self-talk” script—to create a little distance between you and those feelings. By doing this, you’ll gradually become more aware of these thought patterns, empowering yourself to interrupt and change them. Remember, these narratives are just that—stories your mind creates. They do not define your worth or reality. With time and practice, you can reclaim your narrative and approach your feelings with compassion and understanding.

Write it down

No this isn’t your invite to buy another journal, unless like, you really want to. It’s often surprising how soothing it can be to write down your thoughts, especially when they weigh heavily on your mind. Putting pen to paper not only helps to contain those feelings but also aids in better understanding and processing them. If you find yourself triggered by feelings of rejection, you may notice recurring narratives that tell you you’re not good enough, unlikable, or unworthy. If you don’t know where to start, start writing: I’m feeling hurt because......

Just keep in mind with this exercise as well, there is no judgement, having these emotions are not good or bad or even fact, it’s just a coping mechanism for your brain. Give yourself the compassion you deserve.

Emotional Acceptance

On that last note. Accepting your emotions without judgment or resistance can help you navigate feelings of rejection more effectively. This is especially significant for neurodivergent individuals who tend to have more emotionally avoidant coping patterns.

However, emotional acceptance can be challenging due to factors like alexithymia, societal stigma, or past trauma. To overcome these challenges, practice acknowledging and allowing your emotions without attempting to change them. It takes time and practice, but it can provide clarity and reduce self-criticism.

Emotional Distancing

If emotional acceptance feels challenging, you can explore emotional distancing as an alternative approach. This technique involves viewing your experience of rejection from an external standpoint, like an observer or passerby. The earlier “recognising your RSD creature” exercise mentioned, also known as 'catching the narrative,' is a practical example of emotional distancing. It helps you gain a fresh perspective and create distance from negative thoughts and emotions.

Additionally, if the emotion becomes particularly overwhelming, you can employ distracting techniques, such as watching a favorite show or funny videos, until the emotional intensity subsides to a more manageable level that allows for more effective processing. If it is specifically to get perspective on your emotions, you might want to set a timer to remind yourself to process your emotions. 

Regulate Your Emotions

Rejection sensitivity triggers a stress response in our bodies, including the fight-or-flight response. Engaging in emotional regulation techniques can help calm the amygdala and regulate our nervous system. Explore various techniques to find what works best for you, as responses vary from person to person. Regular practice can enhance emotional control and self-care.

Deep Breathing Techniques

When we experience rejection, our bodies may perceive it as a threat to our safety. Deep breathing can signal to the nervous system that you are safe. Here's a technique:

Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4.

Hold for 1-2 seconds.

Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of 6 (note that the extended exhale is crucial for triggering the relaxation response).

Vagus nerve reset

The vagus nerve is a really important part of signalling to your brain and body that you are safe and that you are not in a dangerous situation.

Once this safety is communicated, the brain can make a cascade of changes in the body, putting the brake on the stress response and allowing us to feel less overwhelmed and more calm, centred and grounded.

You’ll probably also notice that your breathing is slower and your heart rate has slowed down a little.

This exercise can be done laying down or sitting. You may want to try it lying down at the beginning as the effect can be greater.

The more you practice this exercise, the quicker and stronger the effects will be. Like anything - with practice our body learns!

1. While seated, turn your head to the left and right - notice any tension, stiffness and current comfortable range of motion. You can compare this after the exercise is completed as tension may be reduced in this area.

2. Interlock your fingers. 

3. Put your hands behind your head so that your thumbs touch the base of your neck. Imaging you are cradling your head in your palms. If you are lying down - notice the support for your head and notice the weight through the hands.

4. Look toward one of your elbows (without moving your head) for 1 minute or until your feel your mouth watering, or the need to sigh, yawn, or take a deep breath. To layer on another beneficial activity - try breathing into your belly while engaging on this practice.

5. Come back to the centre and rest. You may need a minute to get your bearings.

6. Repeat for the other elbow. 

7. Come back to the centre and rest.

Sensory Grounding Practices

Engaging your five senses for grounding can effectively shift your focus away from distressing thoughts and emotions, helping you return to the present moment. Sensory grounding techniques, such as running your hands under hot water or savoring tea, can assist in managing emotional distress at work. To use these techniques, identify what soothes you, such as taking a warm bath or enjoying pleasant scents. Concentrate on the sensation, redirecting your attention as needed to regulate your nervous system and reduce the impact of rejection sensitivity. Prepare a list of soothing activities or items in advance for easier use during intense emotions.

Another effective technique is the 54321 technique

The 54321 (or 5-4-3-2-1) method is a grounding exercise designed to manage acute stress and reduce anxiety. It involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.

Visualisation

Visualization can be a soothing skill that helps regulate your emotions. By immersing yourself in calming mental images or scenarios, you can trigger your body's natural “relaxation response” and reduce stress, including the feelings that come with rejection. This technique also offers a helpful distraction, allowing you to distance yourself from distressing thoughts. Incorporating visualization exercises into your daily routine can foster a profound sense of calm. Some find that adding elements like binaural beats or indigenous drumming enhances the experience, making it even more immersive.

Affirmations

To navigate the cycle of rejection, cultivating self-compassion is essential. It’s all too easy for negative self-talk to arise, especially when we feel rejected. Engaging in self-compassion allows us to “flip the script” in our minds and nurture a kinder narrative about ourselves. Using affirmations or affirmation cards can be a gentle reminder of your intrinsic worth. Remember, the goal is to genuinely believe in these affirmations, which can be challenging if you’ve faced years of negative self-talk, particularly as a neurodivergent individual.

Taking time to think ahead about self-compassion statements that resonate with you can be incredibly helpful. If traditional phrases feel unhelpful, consider statements like:  

- "This is a difficult moment."  

- "I am hurting because I care."  

- "It’s okay to feel pain."  

- "I am learning and growing through this."  

- "My worth isn’t defined by any single experience."  

- "Mistakes don’t define me."  

- "I am strong and capable of overcoming challenges."  

Remember, practicing self-compassion and affirmations can take time, but with patience and consistency, they can become powerful allies in managing rejection sensitivity and enhancing your emotional well-being.

Finally

Finding the right approach can often be a journey filled with ups and downs, and it's completely normal to need some time to figure things out. Be easy on yourself during this process; patience truly is essential.

It's also vital to embrace self-compassion and self-acceptance. Dealing with RSD can be incredibly challenging, but remember, you’re not alone in this. Connecting with others — whether through friends, therapists, or a coach — can provide meaningful encouragement and understanding.

As you navigate this path, keep in mind that building emotional resilience is a gradual process. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small it may seem, and don’t forget to be kind to yourself when things don’t unfold as you hoped. RSD may be a part of your journey, but it doesn’t define who you are or set limits on what you can achieve. You're stronger than you think, and every effort you make is a testament to your courage.

Contact me for a free coaching introductory session to face your RSD journey together.