7 things to expect after you've been diagnosed

It's finally happened. After incredibly long waiting lists and massive piles of paperwork (oh, the irony of ironies), you passed the ADHD screening process and officially joined the club of ADHDers. 

First of all, welcome; here's a sticker. I know you like them.

It can feel like an enormous relief to finally get here, but what can you expect next? Well, as my favourite writer said, the greatest adventure is what lies ahead. 

This is a start on a lifelong journey, and the following are commonly experienced stages; I've written them down in the order I have experienced them, but it might be different for you. It's also a never-ending journey; we change, our lives change, and we continue to get to know ourselves better, so these stages keep showing up. The different points might present simultaneously, or you might be in one for an extended time. There's no wrong way of feeling or dealing with the diagnosis (just try to keep yourself safe), but this is a broad guide to what you can expect.

What to expect

1. Relief – When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I had spent so much time feeling like I was just lazy and unintelligent, convincing myself that my symptoms were simply me making excuses. Hearing my psychiatrist say, "No, you're not making this up; you have ADHD," brought a profound sense of relief. It was as if a heavy weight had been lifted. At that moment, everything in my life started to click into place, and I finally felt understood.

2. Overwhelm and Confusion - Even though I went through the whole rigmarole of getting diagnosed, I found it very difficult to choose who to tell. On one hand, I felt I should break the stigma and tell everyone, but on the other hand, I was scared of being judged. It being such a massive thing in my life and having to decide every time I spoke to someone if I should and could talk about my recent diagnosis was overwhelming. I wasn't sure if I should tell my employer because I feared it would impact my career development. I didn't want to tell my family because I was scared they wouldn't believe me. I also had a lot of confusion about if I should or should not take medication. There are so many voices with so many different opinions out there, but how do I even know if it's right for me to take quite a strong medication?

3. Grief - This hit me hard. As all of my life started making sense, I could also see how different things would have gone if I had had my diagnosis sooner. I couldn't stop thinking about my time at high school; it was a nightmare, and if I had had my diagnosis, I could have had a way more successful education and a lot less tears. Later in jobs, if I had only known I had ADHD, I would have been able to pursue a sustainable career instead of the continuous job hopping and falling from (what felt like) one failure into another. Everything would have been so different if I had only known. I lost so much and had so much agony due to not knowing I had ADHD, and going through that realisation was painful.

4. Anger - This one often goes hand in hand with grief. Your brain is trying to protect you from the pain of grief by being angry, which is understandable. Why didn't anyone see this before? I was angry at realising how hard I had to fight for things that come naturally to others. This can be made massively worse by being around people who are not supportive. It's essential to keep in mind that whatever people's reaction is to your diagnosis is only a reflection of them, not you as a person. That being said, even simple remarks like everyone has ADHD these days or unhelpful advice like; Just buy a planner, can be really triggering because it resonates with that little voice in our head that constantly berates us for having different needs and different ways of doing things. Combined with having to get our head around how unfair the system we are in is. The fact that we are expected to function just like everyone else, whilst the society is not set up for our needs and often activly depicts our needs as charachter flaws. It's infuriating.

5. Excitement - Our brains like new things, so this new diagnosis can trigger an ADHD hyperfocus on ADHD. There's nothing wrong about that, really. Knowledge most definitely is power, but be careful; hyperfocus can lead to burnout. Find ways to keep looking after yourself during your journey, too.

6. Skill regression & burnout -  Ok, so this doesn't HAVE to happen, but it can happen, and it happened to me. Skill regression for me meant my symptoms seemed a lot worse; I became more forgetful, less organised and seemed to have lost the ability to start or finish anything. Because I didn't know how to support myself through that, I ended up in a full burnout. This only got better when I learned techniques to manage my ADHD and anxiety, started to make self-care a priority and learned about ADHD coaching.

7. Acceptance - Knowing you have ADHD and acceptance are two different things. Acceptance is the place where you embrace your ADHD and learn to live with it. It's the place where you take control of your life as an ADHDer without shame or judgment. It's a place where you feel your brain is your home, and in it lives your best friend, you.

So now what do I do

• Give yourself time to process everything, don't judge yourself, and don't resist any of the emotions that come up. They are all valid and have a right to be felt.

• Talk to people you can trust. Many of us are verbal processors, so it will help with processing, but also, being supported by the people around you can be so valuable.

• Learn more about ADHD from trusted resources. More research and knowledge on ADHD are available than ever before. Because of that, a large group of people will only want your money or their fame by kicking the hornet's nest. Don't get drawn in; check reviews and research, and if you are going for professional help, make sure they are accredited or certified. I regularly add resources and books I have checked to be trustworthy and helpfull, join my mailinglist to be kept up to date.

• Find fellow ADHDers. Once you've had a diagnosis, you might start to realise the people you are naturally drawn to are probably neurodivergents, too, but there is no support network like us. We know and understand, because it's how we live.

• Get professional help. If you are late diagnosed, please realise growing up without a diagnosis means you have been through trauma. The emotions that might come up when you get a diagnosis are valid and warrant getting professional help from an ADHD-informed therapist. To learn more about coping mechanisms and understand more about your ADHD, I have found coaching absolutely invaluable and recommend it to anyone. I have availability at the moment, but I am happy to refer you to other certified coaches. If you are in the UK and employed, self-employed or about to start a job within the next 12 weeks, you can apply for access to work to apply for funding for professional help.

• Find a win every day. We have had so much negative messaging. Focusing on our wins will counterbalance all that negative input and help you start loving your ADHD self.

In conclusion

Your diagnosis is not the end of a road, but only a signpost that shows you where you've been and where to go from here. Use it to learn to love how your beautiful brain works and redesign the world around you, and within you, to be the person you deserve to be; a thriving, proud ADHDer.