About me, ADHD diagnosis and labels

When I was 5, I became extremely fatigued, I lost a lot of weight and all zest for life. My mom brought me to a GP who said, I was ‘spoiled (my mom had to carry me everywhere, because I couldn’t walk) and all she needed to do was push me more and be more firm and I’d be fine.’

Three weeks later, I nearly died and was in the ICU for 3 weeks. I wasn’t lazy or spoiled, my body works differently than other bodies, I have type 1 diabetes.

When I was 38, I was ready to give up on life. I had had treatment for depression and anxiety, but failed at therapy (or that’s what it felt like). I couldn’t manage my house; the dishes were everywhere. I had a floordrobe, and personal care was almost nonexistent. I disgusted myself; all I needed to do was push harder and be firmer with myself. It’s just house chores, I’m just being lazy, I just need to push myself. 

My late husband was ADHD (he was diagnosed as a teenager), and I sent him a funny video about ADHD symptoms. He sent it back with the message, This is not me, this is you.

It shook me, and I started to learn more about ADHD in women. I learned about how common it was for ADHDers to end in ADHD paralysis, to struggle with distraction whilst doing house chores, the struggles with forgetfulness and time blindness. 

I learned that everything I thought was a character flaw, was an ADHD symptom. 

And still, I called myself lazy and spoiled and stupid.

I did a ton of ADHD tests online, and they all said I had ADHD. I knew something in my life needed to change, and I was ready for it to be anything. I was terrified to go to the GP, but she was kind and understanding and referred me for an assessment. I had to fill in loads of paperwork about my life now and my time growing up. I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist, and at the end she said, There’s no point in waiting with a diagnosis, you have inattentive ADHD. 

And I convinced myself I had conned her into believing I had ADHD, whereas really I was lazy, spoiled and stupid. 

Then came the day I started medication, and for the first time in my life, my mind was quiet, the pressure was gone, the constant chatter, the music, all gone. I can remember that our Camellia was blooming, and it was as if I had never seen those flowers before, because I wasn’t distracted by all the stuff happening around it. I just saw the beautiful flowers, and it was only then that I realised.

I’m not lazy and stupid and spoiled, I am ADHD.

I started a journey of learning more about how to work with my brain, self-acceptance, and understanding. I had coaching and therapy, and it has helped me feel in control of my life. I now understand that I will never be able to build habits; it's not how my brain works. I can create sustainable systems that work for my brain. I no longer have mountains of laundry or dishes and feel good about myself and my house. I would have never been able to do any of this without getting that diagnosis.

So why did I bring up the diabetes? 

Because of increased awareness of ADHD and neurodivergence in general, there has been a rise in diagnoses. Just like in recent years, there has also been a rise in the diagnosis of diabetes. However, I’ve never been told, when I say I have diabetes, that everyone seems to have diabetes these days. Neither do people say, You don’t look like someone with diabetes. Even though, like with diabetes, you can only be diagnosed by a licensed professional and ADHD is a thoroughly researched acknowledged disability.

Because we all accept it happens that someone has a body that works differently, but when our brain works differently, it seems to be a different thing altogether. 

You go to the doctor’s when you break something, or when you’re struggling physically, but when it comes to mental health, all of a sudden, we are faced with a lot of negative judgment, both from others and ourselves. 

Maybe it’s because it’s invisible, but then so is my diabetes. Is it perhaps because it has a lesser physical impact than diabetes? Well, remember me saying my late husband? My husband committed suicide last year; he is now part of the terrifying statistic of ADHDers being 5 times more likely to commit suicide. Like type 1 diabetes, untreated ADHD is fatal. The only conclusion I can draw is that the reason there is so much said about the uptake of diagnosis as a bad thing is fear, caused by a lack of knowledge. We fear mental health discussions and live in a society that’s deeply plagued by ableism, to the point where many of us are even ableist towards ourselves and deny we have ADHD, even when a psychiatrist tells you that you have it. Or we keep using old labels that don’t fit, like 'lazy,' 'stupid,' or 'dramatic'.

This is why I became an ADHD coach: to help others like myself discover they are not lazy, they are not broken, they are not stupid, they are ADHD, and that’s not a label, that is a medical diagnosis and is the title of the manual to our brain, and nothing about that deserves shame or fear.